Sorry guys, I havent been on a lot. Lots of drama and stuff here at home and with my friends. All I can say is, relationships can really suck somtimes. Espeically since my boyfriends lives an hour away, I worry about him a lot. Not cheating wise or anything I mean, I know he'd never do that but... whatever.

School sucks.

It does, it started the past monday for me and, I love all my classes except food and nurtrition. ( may it burn in hell )
It sounds like a easy class, and it is. Its just that the teacher sucks.... soooo soooooooo much. She rambles on and on and on and on and on... for a whole damn hour an a half. Not to mention we sit in stools for that whole hour and a half and our knees ( me and my classmates ) bang against the tables, which are made out of metal. So thats just pleasent.

So currently, other then sucky school and me being extremely sick ( which is why Im sitting on this computer at home in my kitty blankey instead of being in school, doing fractions and shit. )

I was talking to one of my friends whos a senoir this year last night over aim. And shes was talking about colleges and how she wasnt sure what she would do when she got out of college. She told me her secret desire was to open a cafe shop, selling stuff she bakes ( which is freaken awsome if you ask me. )

Its our choices what we will be when we grow up isnt it? It kinda got me thinking.Whats the point of having all these dreams and desires of what we want to be when society wont let us fufill them?

For my friend, its her choice. I'm not going to stop her from doing what she wishes.

For me, being a sophmore, I havent payed much attention to what I want to be when I get older. I kinda find it funny that my fellow sophmores and freshman, even some middle school peeps are freaking out. "WE ONLY HAVE 5 YEARS TILL WE GET INTO COLLEGE!! OH NO TIMES RUNNING OUT!!" Heheheh.

What kinda scares me is, my friends somtimes. One of my friends that sha'll rename nameless failed her freshman year, I love her to deaf but, it kinda gets me worried, the things she does and how she influances other people. She is a great friend and Im not bad mouthing her or nothin. But, what about her life? Whats going to happen if she doesnt pass high school? It worrys me.

But, I guess your wondering with me talking about all my friends and there choices in life, what am I planning on doing with mine?

Well, for starters I already know one thing I will and have a desire to do, and that is becoming a mother wich, since Im only 15, wont happen anytime soon. But, I have already lost my family once, Im not letting that happen again.

And what I mean by that is that a lot of things happened that past summer, which well... I love ya'll and all but I dont want the whole world and the internet to spread everything about me.

But, besides that. Im not sure what I want to do, but Im not worried about it either. I have a couple years, and I'd like to live my teenager and young life. I mean, dont get me wrong I am a decent student and I am human, so I have made mistakes in the past. But Im not gonna let the past catch up with me. Its in the past, not like I can do much about it now.

I've always had a desire for animals. But, I know I wouldnt be able to bare becoming a vet. What I always wanted to do was work with animals in the sea, so marine biology might be a good choice. But... theres always music. Trance, Metal, Rock, Techno... All that stuff has always influanced and made a great impact on my life. For the past couple years I've been wanting to become an artist in that sense. But, the future holds the answers.

So what is the point of this journal you may ask?

Well, I dont know truthly I just felt like placing my point of view of somthing. And some stories here and there.